Illumination (long version)

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A troubled soul having sleepless nights and conflicted emotions.
I find it overwhelming to see a lot of symbols, insights and patterns.
I have been manifesting, praying and crying.
Scattered thoughts and heavy heart makes me feel dead, insides are crushing.
Hopeless, wrecked, Idle, suicidal and catatonia.
Then there’s the feeling of being used, worthless, lied and anhedonia.
It’s far more worse than being slapped side by side –A TRUTH I couldn’t hide.

Numbers, events and synchronicities.
Is this really a lesson the universe is trying to teach me?
Close the door, walk away and get over soon?
Is this a sign, I have been waiting for??
The moment I need— a chance to start and move on.
Alignment and clarity here and there,
Finding balance in this limbo we are trapped in.

Staring myself in front of the mirror.
I saw a tired and a wounded warrior.

“Stop being weak and vulnerable!” I say.

Trying to be optimistic, while I wipe my tears away.
Closing my eyes, searching for thoughts that push me through,

Aim SUCCESS, learn to INVEST and make a BETTER YOU.

Again, with the pain inside my chest,
Makes it really hard for me to forget.
Step by step, I’m trying to walk away..
with the TRAUMA even TIME nor ELIXIR can’t heal.

For once, a realization hit me.

It’s never wrong to fall in love.

It’s never wrong to admit feelings for someone you thought is the ONE.

Stupid as what others might think of me,
I don’t care but I still LOVE the person who HURT me.
Yes I am! Cheers! to the ONE that got away.

With endurance and patience, I face it all.

“Oh Dear! I thought I wasn’t capable of LOVING and CARING another soul.”

With all the failures and adversities,
I find myself emerging from the dark abyss.
A new life, a new chapter to begin.
Crazy, passionate and eccentric woman— whatever terms I may seem.
“I am still HUMAN”. “I am WORTHY”
“I am BLESSED'”
and I DESERVE a person who will VALUE and RESPECT for being ME.